he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
