All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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