i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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