Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
