Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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