I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
