Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
