Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
