matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize