You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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