Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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