apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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