So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize