So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize