Cold hands, warm shart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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