Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize