is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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