HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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