I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
