So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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