Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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