Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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