Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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