non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
