i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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