She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
