Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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