so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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