u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cockslap morals
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
