They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
one two three fourrrrnication!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
