Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
