you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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