4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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