He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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