I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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