from now on my penis is your penis
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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