if you like me you must not know who I am
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
