Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize