Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
