i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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