So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
