Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
