My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
