There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
