When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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