Got a toothbrush?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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