I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
