I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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