I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
