He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?