My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie