When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.