she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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